From January 4, 2014:
Today was a fantastic day at work, not because we got to see a lot of patients or saw too little, but because I feel like for the first time in a while I connected with someone. This is a big moment for me, because as of late I feel more than antisocial.
But, today was good.
My coworker and I talked for hours on end about life's problems and successes, what should be done or shouldn't. She is a good friend. She helped me with some people issues I was having and I felt that I could take her word on these things because she knew exactly how I felt; she experienced it. She knew what it feels like to walk into a crowded room and feel completely alone. She knew how hard it was to start a conversation with new people. She understood and empathized with my anxiousness when it came to making new friends and keeping them.
The advice that she gave me today?
"You decide how you react in situations and towards other people."
She could never be more right.
It makes absolutely no sense to waste time and energy on something that doesn't even care much for you. My best friend has been telling me that for years. Just go with the flow. What is meant to be will work out and what shouldn't will soon be in the past.
I cannot describe to you the feeling of letting something go. To have held onto something that was hurting me for so long and then just decide to forgive and forget brought such an immediate sense of relief and just plain old peace into my heart.
Am I ready to go back and make everything "right" again? Far from it. But I've taken the first step into something that will drastically change my life. And that in itself will bring me closer to who I am and will forever be.
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