One Thing.

A song to fit the mood:

Lately, I can't stop thinking about Seattle. I want to move there so bad that it hurts. I'm not sure why it's that place, it just is. Ever since I went there, I knew it would be the place that I would really start my life. I knew it's where I would be the happiest. There are so many things about that place that I absolutely loved when I visited years ago. It's an artistic city, and I feel that's where I would best fit in. That's where I would thrive simply being me and no one else. I could let myself go and explore various  opportunities on my own.

I've felt very...well, bluntly put, frustrated here in Utah. It drives me insane, this state. While I'm here, all I can think about is moving away. When I'm gone, I never want to go back. My life is not meant to be here. So, I need a plan. I need to spell out an exact plan of how I'm going to get out of here. I've already been looking for apartments out of state, and I'm loving what I'm seeing. They are decently priced and there are several places where I could work around them. They're located in safe neighborhoods, and it's a chance for me to start anew. Yes. That sounds like perfection to me. Although there will be people here that I will miss, I feel like me moving away is what's best for me....and right now, I'm who I need to focus on. I need to better myself; I need to understand fully what I want from life and what I have to do to get there. I need to be sure of what I'm doing.

Moving away from the people who think they know what is best for my future will help that. I know it will.

I've always been one of those people who love making their own choices, despite what anyone says. The rebel, the free spirit, whatever you want to call it. But it gets to the point, here at least, that people really just do not understand that they aren't in control of my life. I appreciate comments a few times, I appreciate guidance when its necessary. But when over and over I hear the same things, it gets out of hand. They don't get to decide where I go. I do. I choose where I want to be and what I want to do or become. The choices I make are my own, and the consequences that come with it are my own as well. I feel like being here in Utah, there is more than a lot of judgement. People should not judge each other like that. It's sickening. We should close our doors to those who try to help us, and close them to those seeking help. We shouldn't pretend to not see what's happening. People need help, people need friends.

Sometimes, I feel ashamed of the people I'm around. I feel that they should know better than to say such things, that they should know better than to ignore and turn away. I have to say that I'm guilty of doing the same at times, and I despise that fact, but I try not to. I try to be there, to help, and to listen. Why? Because we are ALL human. Not one of us is more perfect than the other. We can't afford to think that we are better than everyone else. We can't afford to crush someone's spirit and leave as if nothing happened.

We are all equal. We are all loved. We are all blessed.

Nothing will change that. Nothing.

Nothing will also change the fact that people are so proud. So ignorant.

This place...this place is so glorified. Glorified for its people, its safety, its scenery...

This place isn't meant for me anymore.