Love

It's this feeling inside me...a collection of emotion--happy and joyful--that makes me want to smile all the time. It's the way he kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. It's those butterflies I get every time I see him. The chills I feel when I think about him. It's the way my lips tingle after he kisses me, or the sense of relief I get when he holds my hand. The way I feel safe when he has his arms around me. The way he calls me beautiful even when I know I look gross. It's the way he not only lifts me up, but walks with me through hard times. It's the way he'll do anything for me. How he reminds me every day that he will always love me, even when I've done something to make him think that I'm a hopeless mistake. It's the way he forgives me, even if it's not easy sometimes. It's how he realizes when he's made a mistake and does something to fix it--sincerely and quickly. It's how he respects me and our standards.
It's the way he makes me feel all the time.
Happiness. Bliss. Heaven.
I am in love. And I will love him forever. :)

Questions of Love.

Things are beginning to be awkward. I can tell.
Not as much time is spent together...we can't always be joking...can we?
I mean, I love him. Right?
I think I was hoping that would make everything better.
Love.
It's wonderful, soft, heart-warming...
I feel happy now. I really do. Even through the sickness and pain, I can smile and know that things are alright.
But why are things awkward?
Why don't they flow as smoothly as before?
Is it because of what I said? What I've written?
Does he not feel the same anymore?
I hope...
but everytime I hope, there's that feeling there. That one that tells me that something is wrong, but it will be okay.
Do I trust it? Do I trust that voice in me that must know something I don't yet?
Or do I go on, do I let it play out...?
So many questions with so little answers.
Yet, I'd be content with one:
Why is it awkward?

Late at night.

It irritates me, you know, how people are sometimes.
1.
Bedtime. I want to sleep. But I'm kept up with those silly sounds above my head.
2.
Covers over my entire frame, shivering. This is not what I want.
3.
One after another.
4. 5. 6. 7.
Maybe I should take a look...
8.
No. I can't. I won't. There isn't anything in the world that would make me look.
9. 10.
In my hands, I'm reading now. My jaw clenches and my hands threaten to break the object.
11.
Clingy. I believe that's the word.
12.
There is no way that I want to deal with this now.
13.
Make up your mind--one or the other.
14.
This is what I feel. I won't hesitate as I write out the words, spell them in my head and then where I can see them.
15.
The reactions...they are all the wrong ones. I was wrong.
16. 17.
I'm done looking at these. I will sleep. I will forget everything and sleep.
18. 19. 20. 21. 22.
Wake up. And there they are. All of them.
23. 24. 25.
This is a joke. No one can make up their mind here. We are insane. All going insane.

I will not compromise. That's just it. I won't. Because I have worked hard for my entire life for a reason. I will not settle. There is someone waiting for me to make a right choice. And it's no one's business as to what I decided. This...this is between me and the being.

Maybe it's over. Maybe it should be. We need to grow up, mature. Live life. Be strong. And if we can't learn how to do that first on our own...then we can't do it at all together.