I never asked to be one, never wanted it.
Again, I awoke gasping for air, tears threatening to jump from my eyes because of the frightening images that came with my sleep.
Sleep, I scoffed mentally, it was anything but that. Sleep was a state of resting, bliss.
I was a dreamer, I was given no rest from my own mind.
If only the dreams could be brighter, I thought, not of death and fear. Protection from the images wasn't an option--my mind wandered where it found necessary or interesting. Too much curiosity stormed there. And it wasn't ever enough for me.
Most everyone who heard the stories of them thought they were incredible. Creepy, but incredible all the same. It's a wonder to me why they would think so; if they only knew how much trouble they caused...how much contention and pure fear was stirring up inside myself. It was nearly impossible to escape.
I wasn't even sure if I lived in reality anymore. Nothing seemed real to me. Everything was too good to be true.
And I thought no one would ever be able to understand.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
To: My Best Friends
I don't remember exactly when I started asking them...all I know is that I was curious. Wouldn't any other seven year old be?
At an age like that, you're always learning new things, like words and what they mean...you understand more.
I didn't know the exact word until I went home and asked. They looked the same, it seemed impossible to me. I found the answer one day after asking Mom. The word was 'twins'.
So, I asked and kept asking. Every day that I saw them, the same question. I didn't realize they must've gotten the same question all the time, so it was a slight bit surprising when they started to get annoyed.
But, I was persistent. Now that I look back on it, I'm not sure why I kept asking. Maybe it was because I thought they could have changed in a day...Maybe it became a habit. Whatever the reason, the question was always the same, until one day it was too much. It was okay though. I didn't mind.
I wasn't looking for friends--I was content in my own little world, entranced by everyone who seemed to be enjoying themselves. I didn't mind being alone for a while. I liked watching them run and laugh and play. That was until I realized everyone had what I didn't. Of course I had my family, they loved me. Then there were the kids down the street, but they were more like family anyway. Even though they were friends...they were boys. And in the 3rd grade, I wasn't "allowed" to play with them anymore. Who said? They did, of course. So back at school I went along, watching everyone play and sometimes, only sometimes, I would play, too.
I was a shy, little girl, very small for my age. But, once again, I didn't mind. I didn't see anything wrong. I was a child; careless and happy. I didn't realize what I was missing out on until the feeling of it came.
Eventually, there was that emptiness. Of course there were the boys and girls I would play with at recess, but they weren't always nice and I hardly ever felt welcome. It never felt right. So, lots of times, I sat on the curb by the swings surrounded by rocks and cried.
But one of the days was different.
I was crying again, thinking that no one was paying attention, when a girl sat by me. I didn't know why she did, but it happened and when who I saw who it was, I didn't believe it. The twin--honestly, I wasn't sure what one--was there, and she befriended me. It made me happy and that curb where I used to sit and cry is now one of the most cherished places I have because of her. That was where I knew that I wouldn't be alone anymore. That was when a little girl, like me, decided to sit down and simply say 'hi'.
We had so much fun throughout the next two years and I thought it would never end. It wasn't ever a problem for me to go over to their house and play. We had so much fun! Ironically, my mom ended up having twins and it was exciting for me. It wasn't long before the house became too crowded...Mom and Dad told us we were moving one day. I was still young, but I was still old enough to know what that meant. New house, new place
. . . new school.
I dreaded the though at first. But now, as I look back, it helped me realize something. My friends are a blessing, a privilege, even. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, and without them, I don't know how I'd make it through the little problems each day throws into my life. I love them like family--one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I moved two times more after that, and to this day, I still see them. We'll always be friends.
:)
Love you Katie and Cami! Glad I had the chance to meet you.
At an age like that, you're always learning new things, like words and what they mean...you understand more.
I didn't know the exact word until I went home and asked. They looked the same, it seemed impossible to me. I found the answer one day after asking Mom. The word was 'twins'.
So, I asked and kept asking. Every day that I saw them, the same question. I didn't realize they must've gotten the same question all the time, so it was a slight bit surprising when they started to get annoyed.
But, I was persistent. Now that I look back on it, I'm not sure why I kept asking. Maybe it was because I thought they could have changed in a day...Maybe it became a habit. Whatever the reason, the question was always the same, until one day it was too much. It was okay though. I didn't mind.
I wasn't looking for friends--I was content in my own little world, entranced by everyone who seemed to be enjoying themselves. I didn't mind being alone for a while. I liked watching them run and laugh and play. That was until I realized everyone had what I didn't. Of course I had my family, they loved me. Then there were the kids down the street, but they were more like family anyway. Even though they were friends...they were boys. And in the 3rd grade, I wasn't "allowed" to play with them anymore. Who said? They did, of course. So back at school I went along, watching everyone play and sometimes, only sometimes, I would play, too.
I was a shy, little girl, very small for my age. But, once again, I didn't mind. I didn't see anything wrong. I was a child; careless and happy. I didn't realize what I was missing out on until the feeling of it came.
Eventually, there was that emptiness. Of course there were the boys and girls I would play with at recess, but they weren't always nice and I hardly ever felt welcome. It never felt right. So, lots of times, I sat on the curb by the swings surrounded by rocks and cried.
But one of the days was different.
I was crying again, thinking that no one was paying attention, when a girl sat by me. I didn't know why she did, but it happened and when who I saw who it was, I didn't believe it. The twin--honestly, I wasn't sure what one--was there, and she befriended me. It made me happy and that curb where I used to sit and cry is now one of the most cherished places I have because of her. That was where I knew that I wouldn't be alone anymore. That was when a little girl, like me, decided to sit down and simply say 'hi'.
We had so much fun throughout the next two years and I thought it would never end. It wasn't ever a problem for me to go over to their house and play. We had so much fun! Ironically, my mom ended up having twins and it was exciting for me. It wasn't long before the house became too crowded...Mom and Dad told us we were moving one day. I was still young, but I was still old enough to know what that meant. New house, new place
. . . new school.
I dreaded the though at first. But now, as I look back, it helped me realize something. My friends are a blessing, a privilege, even. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, and without them, I don't know how I'd make it through the little problems each day throws into my life. I love them like family--one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I moved two times more after that, and to this day, I still see them. We'll always be friends.
:)
Love you Katie and Cami! Glad I had the chance to meet you.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Coming Soon :P
I have officially created playlists for my characters!! :) Well, at least two so far but I have the third in a pretty good spot.
Zeke and Cadee's separate playlists will be up within this next week, and the one for both of them...not sure, but it will be up sometime!
awight, that's it!
Zeke and Cadee's separate playlists will be up within this next week, and the one for both of them...not sure, but it will be up sometime!
awight, that's it!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Warning! R rated :)
[I love playing around with different things, and I thought I'd post this; it's one of the alternates to how Zeke and Cadee end up being married. This is the happy way where she knows the whole time :) lol Of course, it is much shorter than it would have been and I didn't want to make it perfect. So this is just made up on the spot, rough draft, never to be put in the story.]
"Happy Birthday," he whispered into my ear, placing a small box on my stomach.
We'd been laying under the starts for hours on top of his car, something I'd never done. It was cold--I'd never thought we'd do something like this in the middle of February, but it was so pretty and we kept eachother warm. My head rested on his shoulder and his arm was loosely resting around me.
"What's this?" I laughed, picking up the box and looking up at him.
"Just open it," he rolled his eyes and chuckled.
I pulled the string off the top, and slowly pulled the silver lid off. Inside the box was a smaller box, this one black lined with a silver stripe along its edges.
As soon as the box rolled into my other hand, I knew what it was. I sat up, looking back at him questioningly.
"Go ahead, open it," he sat up with me and pulled me into his lap.
I did as he said, pulling the box fully open with a small 'click.' Pools of silky white lined the ring that lay beautifully in the center.
I was speechless.
He was smiling, his eyes bright and happy. My eyes wandered back to the simple, elegant ring in it's case.
He reached for it and placed it on my finger. "What do you say?" he whispered into my hair, kissing my head.
I couldn't speak, so I nodded.
"Happy birthday." He hugged me close. I would never forget this moment for as long as I lived.
"Happy Birthday," he whispered into my ear, placing a small box on my stomach.
We'd been laying under the starts for hours on top of his car, something I'd never done. It was cold--I'd never thought we'd do something like this in the middle of February, but it was so pretty and we kept eachother warm. My head rested on his shoulder and his arm was loosely resting around me.
"What's this?" I laughed, picking up the box and looking up at him.
"Just open it," he rolled his eyes and chuckled.
I pulled the string off the top, and slowly pulled the silver lid off. Inside the box was a smaller box, this one black lined with a silver stripe along its edges.
As soon as the box rolled into my other hand, I knew what it was. I sat up, looking back at him questioningly.
"Go ahead, open it," he sat up with me and pulled me into his lap.
I did as he said, pulling the box fully open with a small 'click.' Pools of silky white lined the ring that lay beautifully in the center.
I was speechless.
He was smiling, his eyes bright and happy. My eyes wandered back to the simple, elegant ring in it's case.
He reached for it and placed it on my finger. "What do you say?" he whispered into my hair, kissing my head.
I couldn't speak, so I nodded.
"Happy birthday." He hugged me close. I would never forget this moment for as long as I lived.
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