My Broken Heart.

It's not the same as any usual Broken Heart. It didn't happen in the same way as most girl's in high school would say it did...
It happened so much earlier than it should have, and I realized the pain from it years and years later.

So many times the same story has been told to me.

And out of all those times I have never once truly believed that the accident was a real part of my life. It always seemed like a dream, not something that would happen to my little family so many years ago.

My Dad had driven semi-trucks for years. Sometimes, when I think really hard, I can remember days and nights when he would race to his destination, the radio turned up with my mom holding little Melanie in her lap while we sang along to familiar songs. My Dad learned to stay up during the nights so we could get to places on time.

Why that certain night held a different story, I will never know.

They tell me that my Dad was really tired, that he fell asleep because of the exhaustion. I wouldn't blame him--driving at night while everyone else is asleep would make me sleepy, too.

It all happens too fast after that.

No one really explains what happens next. It's always avoided, something that no one dares to speak of.

We got in a bad car crash, the car rolled...

Always the same words and as they are spoken my mind sees spinning blackness with lights that look like stars...

And I feel the hurt, but I never say anything.

No one does.

Then we were rushed to the Hospital.

And I'm left to think. To imagine what my small family looked like. Blood on our clothing, cries for help...

My mother's broken shoulders and my father's mangled legs. My little baby sister, not even old enough to talk for herself. My small baby sister with my little body next to hers...

But no one speaks of it. Because it's unheard of.

Until the day my mother told me.

I don't remember when she told me, only that she did. And that when she did it felt like my life. Because it was. And it is.

She told me how Melanie was doing so much better than I was. How Melanie was supposed to live her life and I wasn't. I remember the fear that leaked into my heart and the sorrow I still feel when I learned that I was in a coma, inches from death. But I woke from it. And when I did, Melanie got worse.

While I got better.

Until it was time to say goodbye to the sister I love so much. And I can only imagine my Mom's tears as she held her little baby in her arms and watched as her baby took one last little breath.

While I got better.

Almost like she gave her life for mine.

The Things Love Can Do To You.

So thankful for my amazing guy. I'd fallen asleep not feeling very well, but he called me as soon as he got home and apologized for taking so long. Today just wasn't the best day, and I think it was very sweet of him to do that, even though he could have given himself the excuse of it's too late.

I'm not feeling as stressed anymore. Cory offered to help me with what homework he could on Friday, since that's the only day we're 'allowed' to see each other because of my house arrest home rules or whatever. Jeez, he knows how to make me feel okay, even when I'm in tears and we're not even together physically.

Today he told me he loved me because I'm strong and I never give up. What a great reminder. It's just what I needed. I don't feel the horrible stress and anxiety I felt earlier. I'm so grateful for someone who loves me so much.

Today, I love him because he has the most compassionate heart, and he never gives up on me. He cares even when he doesn't have the energy to.

Just a Little Overwhelmed.

Today is just one of those days, I guess. The picture describes it all. I'm under a sort of 'house arrest' I guess you could call it, where I'm only allowed to go out on Fridays. It really sucks, because while I'm at home moping and doing homework, Cory's out with friends tonight. It was a last second thing, I guess. One of his friends needed to talk. Who knew guys could be so emotional? And here I am, thinking girls are the only ones who cry. As far as I can think, Cory hasn't really ever been so dissatisfied with life that he needed to talk to other people. I mean, of course I still ask him, and I'm there for him when he needs me, but he's never actually called me up to tell me he's feeling upset. Huh.

I was supposed to FaceTime him, well he told me he was going to tonight, but it's almost midnight and I'm extremely tired.

Definitely feel like I have too much on my plate. All this homework is getting to me. I'm at that stage where I have so much that I don't know where to start. For some reason, it's easier for me to do my homework when Cory's around. I told him it's probably because he makes me feel less stressed out, which is always good. I'm stressed out a lot lately! It's usually like that when the school year starts up. Maybe I can leave an idea of what I have to do: a Political Cartoon Rhetorical Analysis Essay for ENGL 1010 plus two peer reviews, a GIANT Communications Project where I have to interview someone in my future career field and outline it all in detail, two Chapter Quizzes for PSY 1100, and four sections+quizzes, a post, and a project for MATH 1040. Ugh, I feel like I could die from the horror of it all! But, I bet there's someone out there who has more to do than me, so I shouldn't really complain, plus I'm really blessed with the opportunity to get an education! Seriously, I'd be a little more than upset if I wasn't able to be what I wanted to be.

I was inspired, I admit.

So, my boyfriend's mom, Debbie (I love her tons! She's seriously like my second mom--I feel like I can go to her for anything) inspired me to get back on here and write. I haven't written in so long though, it almost feels like I'm speaking in a foreign language I'm not very familiar with. But, here goes nothing.

I'm still dating my loving boyfriend, Cory, and I don't ever plan on changing that! He treats me so well, sometimes it's weird to think that I've found someone like him. We've definitely had some fair shares of misunderstandings and unnecessary comments from the outside world, as I like to call it, but, I'm lucky all the same. I can't imagine life without him--having been friends for so long, I don't think we'll ever be separated. We always know to be best friends to each other first. Always. I think that's one of the perks to us being best friends before we started dating. (And can I just say, this picture STILL gives me butterflies in my stomach. I love it when he smiles at me like he does!)
We've done a lot of stuff lately, but it seems like most of it involves homework. Oh, goodness, homework. I think on Friday we did about two hours of homework together and then Saturday, we sat down at his kitchen table and did about 4 or 5 hours of it. I finished everything but a Communications project. We're both taking the same Communications class, and so far it's a TON of busy work! A couple weeks ago, we took James and Jordan to Laser Quest...that was pretty fun! We also took them out to Wendy's before that and they had a ton of fun, in fact, the other day, they were talking about how much they enjoyed sitting down and hearing Cory talk about Elementary School and letting them tell him stories. It was a really awesome thing to watch. :) As if lunch and an awesome game of laser tagging weren't enough, we also took them bowling. Not as fun, I think all of us agreed that we would have rather played another game at Laser Quest, but we still enjoyed ourselves. I won the game. :) Yes, I'm gloating. (The picture has Jordan in the red shirt, Cory in the middle, and James in the brown and green shirt.)

Anyways, onto my life's other many (or not so many) stories!

College is really busy. Homework seems to be never ending. Cory complained the other day that I work too hard, and I'm with him on that one. I took on a pretty big work load this semester, but it's all in an effort to get things done sooner! I just want to get closer to that reality of being in Nursing School or Medical School. We'll see if I like nursing enough to just be a Nurse Practitioner, or if I want to do more, in which case I'll be a heart and lung surgeon. But, first I have to get all these mediocre classes over with. I've already gotten my EMT certification, and that class was really fun, I enjoyed it so much I'm thinking about taking the advanced course in the summer, but at the same time, I'm thinking about taking a break. I think I deserve a break...haha. I think if I asked Cory, he'd probably say the same thing. I think my parents want me to keep working though, but there's seriously only so much that the mind can take. You've got to fit fun in your life at some points, or else you'll go insane! This semester I'm attending SLCC (Salt Lake Community College), mostly online courses. I do have one class on Jordan Campus--my Human Growth and Development Class (PSY 1100). It's really interesting. It's a nursing prerequisite, but it's actually pretty fun. My online classes consist of Communications (COMM 1010), Statistics (MATH 1040), and Intro to Writing (ENGL 1010). All prerequisite classes for either an associates degree or Nursing. Being in online classes is mostly just a lot of making sure you're caught up on everything, checking websites, calendars, and not forgetting. Lots and lots of not forgetting...

Let's see what else there is that I can write about...

The other night, Bill, Cory's grandpa, invited us to go to Texas Roadhouse in celebration of his anniversary. His wife passed from cancer a couple years ago, and I really wish I could have met her. Cory has told me a few things about her, and she sounds like she would have been a very sweet lady. It was very sweet of Bill to invite us out, he's awesome! The grandpa I never had :) Debbie and Ralph went too. We went to the new one in Riverton, and I think I like the one in Sandy a little bit better because they know how to not mess up over there, but it was this new location's first Saturday, so I bet it was a little more than hectic for the workers. It was still really fun, I always love talking to Cory's family. They're all really nice to me and treat me with a respect that I really appreciate. It was really cool to hear that Bill and his wife had been married for over 50 years! Wow! I can't wait to have that. :) I also learned that I'm thought to be a little taller than someone named Anne, still not exactly sure who she is, only know that she's a relative. It's always nice to hear when I'm taller than someone, though...hehe.

Cory and I went to see Warm Bodies this past week, too! Oh my gosh, it was probably the best zombie comedy I've ever seen. I loved it, and I don't think I've seen Cory laugh so much in a movie before. It's definitely a must see. I more than enjoyed it. It's the first time I've laughed out loud in a movie for a very long time.

Mary's birthday was a few days ago. She's now 15...which is really crazy, because I still see her as that little baby sister that used to follow me around everywhere. But, she's way excited to get her permit to drive, and I think she went shopping and to Texas Roadhouse with mom and dad. She looked like she had fun! Taryn came over and had a little weekend sleepover, and they both enjoyed themselves! They also saw Warm Bodies and really liked it.

I'm a teacher in the Primary now. I teach the 11 year old group. The first day was a little difficult because of the whole "let's see if this teacher will actually tell us what to do, or if she's a total pushover" phase. Well, let me tell you, I am so not a total push over, and I had them at the edge of their seats listening and asking questions by the end of the half hour. It was pretty impressive. I didn't know I could do that! But I guess all it takes is a little prayer in your heart and love for the kids. I've taught them for a few times before and some of them were pretty excited to learn that I'd been called as their permanent teacher. :) This last Sunday we learned about the Apostasy, which is something that's actually pretty difficult to teach. But I think I got the concept across. At least well enough that they could explain what the Apostasy was by the end of the class.

My birthday is in less than 10 days. I'll be 20! No longer a teenager! Thank the heavens above. I'd really like to make a day trip down to lava hot springs with the boyfriend, but I don't know how that will turn out. Seems like right now, that's completely out of the picture. But he told me that he'd take care of it, so whatever he has planned, I'm sure it will be great. :) The best part about my birthday has always been that Valentine's day is the day after. It's a bigger plus now that I've got Cory. :) Valentine's Day has always been my favorite holiday. It's probably because it's arrival means my birthday, but hey, who doesn't like their birthday and a little love to go with it? I put a little pressure on him, telling him he's got to plan two pretty awesome days, but I'm positive he'll come through. Plus, I'm fine as long as he's around. We just roll that way.